Alright... well that's a start!

Sorry it's been so long since I've posted. I needed some time to regain composure from the week before. I was under so much stress, which led to more stress, which led to sugar binges almost every night of the week. Needless to say, I was feeling pretty down. I needed an action plan, and fast!

It's so hard to come up with an action plan when you don't really know what's causing these urges to happen. When people try to help, it's so frustrating when you have to tell them that there's no way they can help, or that I don't know how to tell them to help me. One person asked me "Why are you wanting to hurt yourself?" Yes, it may seem like that's what I'm doing, and it is, but I don't WANT to hurt myself. Believe me, nothing would make me happier than to be normal.

Anyway, I've basically come to the conclusion that I can't be "trusted" when around sweets (or any junk food), but that I don't want to deprive myself completely. That's what got me here in the first place. So my mom and I came up with a plan. She gives me one sweet each day. I don't know what the sweet will be, which gives me an element of surprise, and I only get it if I have not binged that day. I'm going about this like I'm 4 years old, but hey, if being treated like I'm 4 helps, then by all means!

Result: Last week, I was (pretty much) binge free, although yesterday it was very hard because Sunday is the most difficult day for me. I did get through it though, and I'm very happy about that. I will say that I went to a party on Saturday and I did overindulge a bit (okay, maybe a whole lot)...but I know that it's normal to do that sometimes, especially at parties.

I will say that even though I knew I was getting a sweet at the end of each day, I still wanted to constantly binge, and I'm not sure what stopped me. All I know is, I'm working on it. The cookies are still in the pantry. The rainbow chip icing is still in the fridge, and the "s'more-makings" are still intact (they're what I want the most).

I want to thank all of you who have given me advice through this. It helps to know that I have people behind me who are supporting me no matter what happens, whether you know me or not. It's truly a blessing to be able to rant on here and get supportive comments instead of negative ones. For that, I'm truly grateful and will look back on these for support when I need it.

(Self Talk: Let's try for another successful week, Lauren! You've got this!)

Hopefully it won't be a week before I post again! :)