Always A Struggle

So, I know it's been a while since my last entry. There haven't really been a lot of changes. I'm just trying to stay on my plan and doing what I can to avoid slip-ups.
I've been on this plan for a couple of months now (refer to previous entries for the plan), and it seems to work when I stick with it. I've noticed some patterns that seem consistent with this plan.
Patterns
-I'm heaviest and the most bloated at the beginning of the week due to "Fat Sunday"
- I'm lightest on Sunday morning after having a week to recover.
- I want to binge in the middle of the week (usually Tues. night/Wed. night.)
-I feel bloated after eating any meal or snack
-I'm very hungry at meal times and after workouts regardless of previous calorie intake.
-I can't seem to recognize when I'm full until I'm too full, especially at dinner.
-I still enjoy working out very much and my body is no longer sore from excessive exercise.

These last 2 Wednesdays, the urge to binge has been almost unbearable. I wish I could determine the cause so that this urge could be prevented. Through the grace of God, I have not indulged in a binge. It was very difficult. I spend a lot of time on the internet trying to find ways to beat the urge. Here is what I did these past 2 times:
Strategies
- took a nap
-avoided vending machines/carrying loose change
-confided in friends
-text messaged asking for advice
-stuck to my meal/exercise plan
-stayed busy at work
-drank more water
-cried and complained
-walked Bella
-researched and blogged about binging
-allowed 1 sweet treat (pretzel m&m's 150 calories)

There is no cure except time. I know the urge goes away, and I know how I'll feel if I give into the urge, which is a feeling of uncontrollable guilt, along with obvious massive stomach issues associated with excessive eating. When you binge, you eat foods high in calories, even when you know you're stuffed. You inhale the food and you aren't really tasting it. You're basically eating for the sake of eating; not fueling your body with the essential nutrients it needs. So what's the point of a binge if you're not even tasting and enjoying the food? I really wish I had a good answer for that. What I do know is that I've had the strength to "just say no" during my last two urges, and that is an extreme success for me.

Last night, I realized that I still have a problem with allowing occassional sweets. I feel like I've cheated every time I eat something sweet. Last night, I was in a room with people who were eating a delicious looking birthday cake, and I refused it. I looked unappreciative and appeared unsocial, I'm sure. UGH!! I've got to get past this. I need to realize that I can have sweets (in moderation) and it not be a big deal. I mean, I work out all the time. I can have a sweet every day and not worry. If only I could allow myself to let go. I'm not as healthy (by my definition) as I thought.

My blog suggests that my walk continues. My journey is far from over. I may be done with losing weight, but with that comes a whole new set of issues that I'm going to have to face.

Thanks for sticking with me and pulling me through this. I couldn't get through this without your support.