As my title suggests, I'm headed to the beach for a few days! I can't wait! The beach is my favorite place to go. :) I feel like I can do whatever I want there. I can read, run, relax, and just be. As one of my friends has said, "The sun will keep rising and setting, and the ocean waves will never stop." Those of you who are close to me know that I'm experiencing (what I think are) some deep depression symptoms lately, and hopefully this trip will help me snap out of that.
I've been asking around for some ideas about snacks on the beach while laying out/sitting on the sand. I'm already thinking wine/wine coolers are in the plan, along with some nilla wafers, because they're sweet and won't melt! What are some other suggestions? (Doesn't necessarily need to be healthy... just "beachy!" :) )
Thanks for your suggestions!
Friday, August 6, 2010
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Changes over time...
In 3rd grade, we teach the students about "changes over time". We discuss how Pioneers lived and compare it to our lives these days. The changes are amazing if we really take the time to reflect on them. The students really get a lot out of this unit.
Anyway, I digress...
Today mom and I completed a workout tape made back in the 1980's. You know... with a bunch of barbie girls sporting their skimpy black leotards and dancing to all the popular 80's hits; very reminiscent of those 80's music videos. My point is, it was about 38 minutes long, and not nearly as intense as today's workout videos, like Jillian's and Bob's. It's amazing how much the exercise requirements and intensity expectations have risen in just as little as 20 years. Back then, you got a workout if you just had a little "glow" of sweat. Now, you pretty much have to be dying and sweating buckets after an hour of intense cardio/strength training in order to feel like you've really gotten something out of it. Why is that? Is it because our world has become so unhealthy? Is it because of the rise in the fast food and soda industries? Is it because of our obesity epidemic? Who knows. Another example in changes over time..? Doesn't quite seem fair, does it? Any thoughts?
Another fact about me that some of you may not know is that I love to sing in choir. I feel like I am right in my element when I'm singing in an ensemble. I can sing both soprano and alto, although my favorite is second soprano. While some people struggle to learn a new piece of music, I can pretty much read through it the first time and already know it. (This is before all of the musical embellishments and notations are added by whomever directs the choir.) If I could describe an example of a perfect day, sightreading music I've never seen before would have to be included. This is one of the few things that comes naturally to me and one of the few areas where I have a lot of leadership potential. If only this confidence could spill over into other aspects of my life, then I'd be all set!
Yesterday Big Brother came on! It comes on tonight, too! I wonder who will be evicted. I know who I want to leave, but I don't think it'll happen.
Have a great day! Hope to hear from you!
Anyway, I digress...
Today mom and I completed a workout tape made back in the 1980's. You know... with a bunch of barbie girls sporting their skimpy black leotards and dancing to all the popular 80's hits; very reminiscent of those 80's music videos. My point is, it was about 38 minutes long, and not nearly as intense as today's workout videos, like Jillian's and Bob's. It's amazing how much the exercise requirements and intensity expectations have risen in just as little as 20 years. Back then, you got a workout if you just had a little "glow" of sweat. Now, you pretty much have to be dying and sweating buckets after an hour of intense cardio/strength training in order to feel like you've really gotten something out of it. Why is that? Is it because our world has become so unhealthy? Is it because of the rise in the fast food and soda industries? Is it because of our obesity epidemic? Who knows. Another example in changes over time..? Doesn't quite seem fair, does it? Any thoughts?
Another fact about me that some of you may not know is that I love to sing in choir. I feel like I am right in my element when I'm singing in an ensemble. I can sing both soprano and alto, although my favorite is second soprano. While some people struggle to learn a new piece of music, I can pretty much read through it the first time and already know it. (This is before all of the musical embellishments and notations are added by whomever directs the choir.) If I could describe an example of a perfect day, sightreading music I've never seen before would have to be included. This is one of the few things that comes naturally to me and one of the few areas where I have a lot of leadership potential. If only this confidence could spill over into other aspects of my life, then I'd be all set!
Yesterday Big Brother came on! It comes on tonight, too! I wonder who will be evicted. I know who I want to leave, but I don't think it'll happen.
Have a great day! Hope to hear from you!
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
My apologies...
I've been gone... well not gone... but too embarrassed to blog. I've sort of fallen off the bandwagon in the eating department. I eat a lot of sweets, and I can't really seem to stop. They're all I want, and it shows. I've put on some weight--it's not ghastly right now, but I'm terrified that it'll get there.
On the upside, I still work out. I love it. I'm running more than ever, and I've incorporated more exercise videos because I was getting bored. (Sorry Jillian.. I love you, but Bob's awesome, too!) I'm still working out with my trainer, so I'm just hoping and praying that my weight balances out. Right now, it's doing it's usual steady incline. :( My energy to care is running out... the cheesecake, Nilla wafers, and white chocolate chips are oh so tempting...
Even though I'm off the bandwagon, I'm going to try to keep blogging. I enjoy reading your blogs and I know that it's boring reading about only eating habits. So I'll try to blog daily in some way. My life just isn't that exciting though. It's pretty routine. I wake up, work out, eat breakfast, go to work as an elementary school teacher, go home, eat dinner, facebook/watch tv, and go to sleep. I really need to put myself out there more because I'm so shy. I'm 25 and pretty much have no life at all. Not that I'm complaining... I enjoy being by myself. It very rarely gets old. It's just become too comfortable.
One thing I really enjoy doing is watching reality tv...(man that makes me sound like a total couch potato.) But really, my favorite show is Big Brother and it's right in the middle of it's 12th season. I used to watch it constantly because I had access to Showtime 2, but I don't now. It's probably a good thing because I'd spend my entire vacation in front of the television if I could see it. I love watching people interact with one another, whether they get along fine, get intimate, or get in fights all the time. It's all fun. I wish I had the courage to apply. I wouldn't last 2 days, but the experience would be so rewarding, no matter what would happen. I read about the updates on a spoiler website and get updates on my phone, so I always know what's going to happen before it's broadcasted on television. I enjoy that, believe it or not. So that's taking up a lot of my time these days.
Maybe tomorrow, I'll reveal something else about me... I just have to think about what's interesting enough for you to want to read about...
On the upside, I still work out. I love it. I'm running more than ever, and I've incorporated more exercise videos because I was getting bored. (Sorry Jillian.. I love you, but Bob's awesome, too!) I'm still working out with my trainer, so I'm just hoping and praying that my weight balances out. Right now, it's doing it's usual steady incline. :( My energy to care is running out... the cheesecake, Nilla wafers, and white chocolate chips are oh so tempting...
Even though I'm off the bandwagon, I'm going to try to keep blogging. I enjoy reading your blogs and I know that it's boring reading about only eating habits. So I'll try to blog daily in some way. My life just isn't that exciting though. It's pretty routine. I wake up, work out, eat breakfast, go to work as an elementary school teacher, go home, eat dinner, facebook/watch tv, and go to sleep. I really need to put myself out there more because I'm so shy. I'm 25 and pretty much have no life at all. Not that I'm complaining... I enjoy being by myself. It very rarely gets old. It's just become too comfortable.
One thing I really enjoy doing is watching reality tv...(man that makes me sound like a total couch potato.) But really, my favorite show is Big Brother and it's right in the middle of it's 12th season. I used to watch it constantly because I had access to Showtime 2, but I don't now. It's probably a good thing because I'd spend my entire vacation in front of the television if I could see it. I love watching people interact with one another, whether they get along fine, get intimate, or get in fights all the time. It's all fun. I wish I had the courage to apply. I wouldn't last 2 days, but the experience would be so rewarding, no matter what would happen. I read about the updates on a spoiler website and get updates on my phone, so I always know what's going to happen before it's broadcasted on television. I enjoy that, believe it or not. So that's taking up a lot of my time these days.
Maybe tomorrow, I'll reveal something else about me... I just have to think about what's interesting enough for you to want to read about...
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Last night was normal....(I hope...)
Hello all!
Last night I went out to eat with one of my good friends. I hadn't seen her in a while and so we went to dinner to celebrate her birthday at the Cheesecake Factory! Yum!!!! Yes, I overate, but even the most normal eaters overeat at times! I had a glass of wine-the best wine I've ever tasted. I also had a yummy spicy cashew chicken dish (didn't finish it) and of course an entire piece of red velvet cheesecake with ice cream!
Overeat? Yes! Binge? No! (Lauren... quit feeling guilty... you never go to the Cheesecake Factory, you can have a piece of cheesecake!)
I was so full, but I was also on a big sugar high. I wanted to binge, but I also wanted to keep enjoying the high, if that makes any sense at all to those of you who are not overeaters. So I resisted the urge to finish off my chicken and eat anymore sweet stuff.
Enough about my accountability! That's boring, I know.
I'm having a hard time coming up with other things to write about on here. If anyone wants to know anything other than what I eat, which I'm sure is quite thrilling to you, then let me know, and I'll do my best to address them on here! :)
Last night I went out to eat with one of my good friends. I hadn't seen her in a while and so we went to dinner to celebrate her birthday at the Cheesecake Factory! Yum!!!! Yes, I overate, but even the most normal eaters overeat at times! I had a glass of wine-the best wine I've ever tasted. I also had a yummy spicy cashew chicken dish (didn't finish it) and of course an entire piece of red velvet cheesecake with ice cream!
Overeat? Yes! Binge? No! (Lauren... quit feeling guilty... you never go to the Cheesecake Factory, you can have a piece of cheesecake!)
I was so full, but I was also on a big sugar high. I wanted to binge, but I also wanted to keep enjoying the high, if that makes any sense at all to those of you who are not overeaters. So I resisted the urge to finish off my chicken and eat anymore sweet stuff.
Enough about my accountability! That's boring, I know.
I'm having a hard time coming up with other things to write about on here. If anyone wants to know anything other than what I eat, which I'm sure is quite thrilling to you, then let me know, and I'll do my best to address them on here! :)
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Back On Track...and a bit about me.
Well, yesterday marks the 15th day of being "sugar binge free." That doesn't mean I haven't wanted to, and it doesn't mean I don't think about sweets every second, but I've resisted bingeing for 15 days.
My body feels better. It may not look better, and I think the pounds from it will stay with me, but that's okay. Perhaps my body was begging for something it needed... I don't know. All I know is that I'm back under control, for now. I have no plans to stop exercising, and my fitness level is beyond what I thought possible for me. I have to believe that along with that, and my binge-free eating, my weight will stabilize at where my body is comfortable. I have to trust that my body knows what's right for it.
I realize that my blog is probably very boring. I only talk about my abnormal food and weight issues. I really should start talking about other aspects of my life, but to be quite honest, my life isn't very exciting. I prefer to be alone as opposed to being with a big group of people. I don't party often enough. I'm not a big risk taker and I never have been. I can't dance (which is weird considering my background in music.) My life consists of family, teaching, exercising, eating, sleeping, and Bella (my adorable 2 year old dachshund.)
I'm 25 and I'm single. Perhaps this is because I'm shy and I don't go out much. Perhaps it's because I'm not pretty/hot/attractive, etc... to men. Perhaps it's because my job is comprised primarily of females, most of which are taken/married, or have their own groups they mingle with. However, if/when I meet the guy I'm going to marry, I want it to happen naturally and within my comfort zone. I don't want to meet him at some bar or some club because that's not my normal venue and I wouldn't want to give anyone the wrong idea about my personality. I've tried the online stuff and the blind dates, but really, what are the chances that it's going to work out on a blind date? Slim to None! I'm not knocking internet dating or blind dates, it just hasn't worked for me, and again, I'm not much of a risk taker. So I guess I'm out of luck, unless I meet someone at my gym, or the population of male teachers my age drastically increases in the teaching profession!
Well, that's it from me today. Anyone have any ideas on how I can put myself out there, but still remain within my comfort zones? Suggestions are welcome and appreciated! :) Off to the gym!
My body feels better. It may not look better, and I think the pounds from it will stay with me, but that's okay. Perhaps my body was begging for something it needed... I don't know. All I know is that I'm back under control, for now. I have no plans to stop exercising, and my fitness level is beyond what I thought possible for me. I have to believe that along with that, and my binge-free eating, my weight will stabilize at where my body is comfortable. I have to trust that my body knows what's right for it.
I realize that my blog is probably very boring. I only talk about my abnormal food and weight issues. I really should start talking about other aspects of my life, but to be quite honest, my life isn't very exciting. I prefer to be alone as opposed to being with a big group of people. I don't party often enough. I'm not a big risk taker and I never have been. I can't dance (which is weird considering my background in music.) My life consists of family, teaching, exercising, eating, sleeping, and Bella (my adorable 2 year old dachshund.)
I'm 25 and I'm single. Perhaps this is because I'm shy and I don't go out much. Perhaps it's because I'm not pretty/hot/attractive, etc... to men. Perhaps it's because my job is comprised primarily of females, most of which are taken/married, or have their own groups they mingle with. However, if/when I meet the guy I'm going to marry, I want it to happen naturally and within my comfort zone. I don't want to meet him at some bar or some club because that's not my normal venue and I wouldn't want to give anyone the wrong idea about my personality. I've tried the online stuff and the blind dates, but really, what are the chances that it's going to work out on a blind date? Slim to None! I'm not knocking internet dating or blind dates, it just hasn't worked for me, and again, I'm not much of a risk taker. So I guess I'm out of luck, unless I meet someone at my gym, or the population of male teachers my age drastically increases in the teaching profession!
Well, that's it from me today. Anyone have any ideas on how I can put myself out there, but still remain within my comfort zones? Suggestions are welcome and appreciated! :) Off to the gym!
Saturday, July 3, 2010
What a little alcohol will do...
So, last night, my mom brought us a bottle of chocolate wine to share. If you haven't tried it, like red wine, and like chocolate, I HIGHLY recommend it. It's one of the best things ever invented! :)
The only problem is, when I drink, I get really really hungry, and last night was no exception. After a couple of glasses (and a shot of tequila...shhhh...) I was ready to hit up the fast food joints, whip out the marshmallows, chocolate, and graham crackers, and indulge!
I didn't! :) :) :)
That's all I wanted to say!
The only problem is, when I drink, I get really really hungry, and last night was no exception. After a couple of glasses (and a shot of tequila...shhhh...) I was ready to hit up the fast food joints, whip out the marshmallows, chocolate, and graham crackers, and indulge!
I didn't! :) :) :)
That's all I wanted to say!
Friday, July 2, 2010
I'm totally back... and I'm proud of myself!
This week has been binge free so far!!!! When I go from bingeing almost everyday to controlling the urges when knowing all of my "good stuff" is laying around my house yelling my name, it's very empowering. Having a sweet a day is really helping me; knowing that I'm not going to be deprived of them. I'm being taught what moderation is at 25 years old. It's about time!
However, I'm usually good during the week. It's the weekends where I get off track. I'm not sure why that is... perhaps because I sit at home, and on Sundays, I don't generally follow an eating plan... that would do it, huh?
Anyway, I'm not sure where my weight stands. I haven't weighed in a few weeks. I'm almost afraid to. I wouldn't be surprised if I've gained 15 pounds. I don't want to look because I do feel good, I look good, and my fitness level is amazing right now. I don't want a number to discourage the way I feel about myself. I may have my mom remove my scale from my home just to repel the urge to weigh. I've got to realize that it's about self-esteem, body image, and general healthiness, and not about a number on a scale. In that way, I've been able to let go. Baby steps...
Side Note:
There is one person I really need to especially thank... and that's my mom. (I know you read this, sometimes). She has been there with me more than anyone and has done everything she can to help me. She exercises with me (and looks amazing), cooks meals for me, buys and gives me my "surprise" treats, and puts up with my (increasingly horrible) attitude. (I know I've been difficult to be around lately-I don't know exactly why, but I'll try to be better.) My mom is the best and I love her!
So, cheers to success.. and strength to pick yourself back up if you fall! Happy Friday!
However, I'm usually good during the week. It's the weekends where I get off track. I'm not sure why that is... perhaps because I sit at home, and on Sundays, I don't generally follow an eating plan... that would do it, huh?
Anyway, I'm not sure where my weight stands. I haven't weighed in a few weeks. I'm almost afraid to. I wouldn't be surprised if I've gained 15 pounds. I don't want to look because I do feel good, I look good, and my fitness level is amazing right now. I don't want a number to discourage the way I feel about myself. I may have my mom remove my scale from my home just to repel the urge to weigh. I've got to realize that it's about self-esteem, body image, and general healthiness, and not about a number on a scale. In that way, I've been able to let go. Baby steps...
Side Note:
There is one person I really need to especially thank... and that's my mom. (I know you read this, sometimes). She has been there with me more than anyone and has done everything she can to help me. She exercises with me (and looks amazing), cooks meals for me, buys and gives me my "surprise" treats, and puts up with my (increasingly horrible) attitude. (I know I've been difficult to be around lately-I don't know exactly why, but I'll try to be better.) My mom is the best and I love her!
So, cheers to success.. and strength to pick yourself back up if you fall! Happy Friday!
Monday, June 28, 2010
Alright... well that's a start!
Sorry it's been so long since I've posted. I needed some time to regain composure from the week before. I was under so much stress, which led to more stress, which led to sugar binges almost every night of the week. Needless to say, I was feeling pretty down. I needed an action plan, and fast!
It's so hard to come up with an action plan when you don't really know what's causing these urges to happen. When people try to help, it's so frustrating when you have to tell them that there's no way they can help, or that I don't know how to tell them to help me. One person asked me "Why are you wanting to hurt yourself?" Yes, it may seem like that's what I'm doing, and it is, but I don't WANT to hurt myself. Believe me, nothing would make me happier than to be normal.
Anyway, I've basically come to the conclusion that I can't be "trusted" when around sweets (or any junk food), but that I don't want to deprive myself completely. That's what got me here in the first place. So my mom and I came up with a plan. She gives me one sweet each day. I don't know what the sweet will be, which gives me an element of surprise, and I only get it if I have not binged that day. I'm going about this like I'm 4 years old, but hey, if being treated like I'm 4 helps, then by all means!
Result: Last week, I was (pretty much) binge free, although yesterday it was very hard because Sunday is the most difficult day for me. I did get through it though, and I'm very happy about that. I will say that I went to a party on Saturday and I did overindulge a bit (okay, maybe a whole lot)...but I know that it's normal to do that sometimes, especially at parties.
I will say that even though I knew I was getting a sweet at the end of each day, I still wanted to constantly binge, and I'm not sure what stopped me. All I know is, I'm working on it. The cookies are still in the pantry. The rainbow chip icing is still in the fridge, and the "s'more-makings" are still intact (they're what I want the most).
I want to thank all of you who have given me advice through this. It helps to know that I have people behind me who are supporting me no matter what happens, whether you know me or not. It's truly a blessing to be able to rant on here and get supportive comments instead of negative ones. For that, I'm truly grateful and will look back on these for support when I need it.
(Self Talk: Let's try for another successful week, Lauren! You've got this!)
Hopefully it won't be a week before I post again! :)
It's so hard to come up with an action plan when you don't really know what's causing these urges to happen. When people try to help, it's so frustrating when you have to tell them that there's no way they can help, or that I don't know how to tell them to help me. One person asked me "Why are you wanting to hurt yourself?" Yes, it may seem like that's what I'm doing, and it is, but I don't WANT to hurt myself. Believe me, nothing would make me happier than to be normal.
Anyway, I've basically come to the conclusion that I can't be "trusted" when around sweets (or any junk food), but that I don't want to deprive myself completely. That's what got me here in the first place. So my mom and I came up with a plan. She gives me one sweet each day. I don't know what the sweet will be, which gives me an element of surprise, and I only get it if I have not binged that day. I'm going about this like I'm 4 years old, but hey, if being treated like I'm 4 helps, then by all means!
Result: Last week, I was (pretty much) binge free, although yesterday it was very hard because Sunday is the most difficult day for me. I did get through it though, and I'm very happy about that. I will say that I went to a party on Saturday and I did overindulge a bit (okay, maybe a whole lot)...but I know that it's normal to do that sometimes, especially at parties.
I will say that even though I knew I was getting a sweet at the end of each day, I still wanted to constantly binge, and I'm not sure what stopped me. All I know is, I'm working on it. The cookies are still in the pantry. The rainbow chip icing is still in the fridge, and the "s'more-makings" are still intact (they're what I want the most).
I want to thank all of you who have given me advice through this. It helps to know that I have people behind me who are supporting me no matter what happens, whether you know me or not. It's truly a blessing to be able to rant on here and get supportive comments instead of negative ones. For that, I'm truly grateful and will look back on these for support when I need it.
(Self Talk: Let's try for another successful week, Lauren! You've got this!)
Hopefully it won't be a week before I post again! :)
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Friday, June 18, 2010
Self-Help
(Note; Please don't think I'm schizophrenic, psycho or depressed. I know myself better than anyone else, and I know that self-talk helps me. Here is an attempt at that. Please don't worry about the negativity. I do actually like myself... I just need to give myself a wake-up call.)
Lauren.... what the hell are you doing?
You've spent the last year working your hiney off, literally!! You've lost 120 pounds, and you're throwing it all away! ALL FOR SUGAR!!!!!!!!! Why!!!!!!????? It's just food! It's the food that got you to be so heavy in the first place!! It's the food that's caused you to waste your time losing the weight that should never have gotten there! Your time has been wasted trying to get yourself healthy! ALL BECAUSE OF PROCESSED SUGARY FATTY FOODS, SODA, AND FAST FOODS!!!!!!
It's great that you've kept the exercising up while bingeing at night, BUT WHY BINGE? You're being a hypocrite exercising so much and throwing your efforts for the day away!!! YOUR CLOTHES ARE STARTING TO GET A LITTLE SNUG WHEN THEY WERE FALLING OFF OF YOU JUST A FEW WEEKS AGO! Yes, fine, you still are at a healthy weight for your height, BUT YOUR BEHAVIOR WILL CHANGE THAT RAPIDLY AND YOU CAN'T LET THAT HAPPEN! You're BETTER than that! DON'T LOSE THE WAR!
It's great that you didn't binge yesterday, but you did eat like crap. Bojangles, cake, margaritas, mexican food, and fried ice cream are NOT good for you!! It's processed crap! Sugary crap! After eating Bos, you felt like you were bathing in a vat of grease! DISGUSTING!!! REMEMBER HOW AWESOME IT FEELS WHEN YOU EAT YOUR HEALTHY FOOD!!!!!! It's a completely different feeling!!!! You feel more "fresh and vital" Please remember that!
You are a beautiful person no matter what size you are, however, you know that you have more confidence when you're healthy. You will be so embarrassed if you let yourself go again. What will people say? Don't let them say anything, Lauren, except how wonderful you look and how inspirational you are!
Come back!!!!! Please!!!!! Your body needs you! Your family needs you! Your students need you! Your "potential future family" needs you! This world needs you!
To my readers:
Okay... so this is me saying I'm back! I will win! I will gain control. I've got this. I deserve it. I'm back.
Lauren.... what the hell are you doing?
You've spent the last year working your hiney off, literally!! You've lost 120 pounds, and you're throwing it all away! ALL FOR SUGAR!!!!!!!!! Why!!!!!!????? It's just food! It's the food that got you to be so heavy in the first place!! It's the food that's caused you to waste your time losing the weight that should never have gotten there! Your time has been wasted trying to get yourself healthy! ALL BECAUSE OF PROCESSED SUGARY FATTY FOODS, SODA, AND FAST FOODS!!!!!!
It's great that you've kept the exercising up while bingeing at night, BUT WHY BINGE? You're being a hypocrite exercising so much and throwing your efforts for the day away!!! YOUR CLOTHES ARE STARTING TO GET A LITTLE SNUG WHEN THEY WERE FALLING OFF OF YOU JUST A FEW WEEKS AGO! Yes, fine, you still are at a healthy weight for your height, BUT YOUR BEHAVIOR WILL CHANGE THAT RAPIDLY AND YOU CAN'T LET THAT HAPPEN! You're BETTER than that! DON'T LOSE THE WAR!
It's great that you didn't binge yesterday, but you did eat like crap. Bojangles, cake, margaritas, mexican food, and fried ice cream are NOT good for you!! It's processed crap! Sugary crap! After eating Bos, you felt like you were bathing in a vat of grease! DISGUSTING!!! REMEMBER HOW AWESOME IT FEELS WHEN YOU EAT YOUR HEALTHY FOOD!!!!!! It's a completely different feeling!!!! You feel more "fresh and vital" Please remember that!
You are a beautiful person no matter what size you are, however, you know that you have more confidence when you're healthy. You will be so embarrassed if you let yourself go again. What will people say? Don't let them say anything, Lauren, except how wonderful you look and how inspirational you are!
Come back!!!!! Please!!!!! Your body needs you! Your family needs you! Your students need you! Your "potential future family" needs you! This world needs you!
To my readers:
Okay... so this is me saying I'm back! I will win! I will gain control. I've got this. I deserve it. I'm back.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Meltdown... and a "break-thru"
I've gained 9 pounds. I'm trying to be okay with that. My clothes still fit, my fitness is still on top of the world... I am eating sweets. Lots of sweets... at night. This is a problem. A problem that I don't know how to stop.
I never really understood the reason behind my compulsive eating. It comes in spells. This spell has lasted for about a month or so. Last night, I had my worst episode yet. I won't go into what I ate, but I will say they were very sugary foods, and that it lasted for about an hour. The problem is, it felt wonderful for every second. This is sickening behavior and will deter all of my hard work. I still don't know how to stop it. People don't understand this problem unless they have it themselves. I don't want to be a pig. I'm disgusted with myself. I continue to exercise to "counteract my behavior." It's not really working.
My break-thru is... I eat comfort foods while I'm under a lot of stress. I've been under tons of stress with school (I'm a 3rd grade teacher) trying to prepare my kids for their end of grade tests (which they did very well on...), and trying to wrap up the school year (paperwork for each student, report cards, getting ready for my class next year, etc...). So there's that. I'm not behind, but I'm getting there quickly if I don't get my act together RIGHT NOW.
To top it all off, yesterday, I went to the gym for my hourly treadmill routine and my 20 minute tanning session, and when I get back to the car, mom says "your A/C is broken." GREAT!!!!!! The repair man says that he can't fix it until Friday or Saturday and that there is a leak either in the compressor or the evaporator (and I'm pretending I know what all of this means.) Bottom line, it's going to cost me around $2000 to get it fixed (could be a little more, could be a little less.) Lovely, I'm a teacher. I can afford it. Needless to say, that's when the chocolate and wine were broken out and enjoyed. It was all downhill from there. The floodgates opened.
I want to eat sweets all the time, but I still have the desire to exercise. How weird is that? I need to get these binges under control because they're happening much more often now. They used to be once or twice a month. Now they're at a consistency of 3-5 times per week. THAT'S TERRIBLE. I've tried chewing gum, I've tried drinking hot sweet drinks, I've tried only having a little bit of something sweet... nothing is working. This is what happens when I allow myself to let go. I'm not mature enough to have anything sweet in my house.
At 25, I can't control myself. I'm a freaking baby who wants everything in sight. Doesn't matter if I'm stuffed from everything else. This is disgusting. People are starving in this world and I'm gorging on crap. Complete crap.
I don't want to deprive myself, but if the sweets aren't in my house, I can't eat them. So I'm just going to get rid of everything I find myself wanting. If I want something, I'm going to have to go out and buy it myself. Maybe this will deter me, especially now that I'm in the hole $2000.
So now I know that I eat compulsively under stress. I also just think I'm a selfish person who sees food and must have it. All I know is, I'm heading in the wrong direction quickly, and don't know what to do. I don't see how talking about it with professionals would help because they can't be with me all the time to make sure I'm making the right choices.
Okay this is turning into a ramble, so I'm going to quit. Thanks for listening, even though you probably find me a disgusting and selfish person at this stage of the game.
I never really understood the reason behind my compulsive eating. It comes in spells. This spell has lasted for about a month or so. Last night, I had my worst episode yet. I won't go into what I ate, but I will say they were very sugary foods, and that it lasted for about an hour. The problem is, it felt wonderful for every second. This is sickening behavior and will deter all of my hard work. I still don't know how to stop it. People don't understand this problem unless they have it themselves. I don't want to be a pig. I'm disgusted with myself. I continue to exercise to "counteract my behavior." It's not really working.
My break-thru is... I eat comfort foods while I'm under a lot of stress. I've been under tons of stress with school (I'm a 3rd grade teacher) trying to prepare my kids for their end of grade tests (which they did very well on...), and trying to wrap up the school year (paperwork for each student, report cards, getting ready for my class next year, etc...). So there's that. I'm not behind, but I'm getting there quickly if I don't get my act together RIGHT NOW.
To top it all off, yesterday, I went to the gym for my hourly treadmill routine and my 20 minute tanning session, and when I get back to the car, mom says "your A/C is broken." GREAT!!!!!! The repair man says that he can't fix it until Friday or Saturday and that there is a leak either in the compressor or the evaporator (and I'm pretending I know what all of this means.) Bottom line, it's going to cost me around $2000 to get it fixed (could be a little more, could be a little less.) Lovely, I'm a teacher. I can afford it. Needless to say, that's when the chocolate and wine were broken out and enjoyed. It was all downhill from there. The floodgates opened.
I want to eat sweets all the time, but I still have the desire to exercise. How weird is that? I need to get these binges under control because they're happening much more often now. They used to be once or twice a month. Now they're at a consistency of 3-5 times per week. THAT'S TERRIBLE. I've tried chewing gum, I've tried drinking hot sweet drinks, I've tried only having a little bit of something sweet... nothing is working. This is what happens when I allow myself to let go. I'm not mature enough to have anything sweet in my house.
At 25, I can't control myself. I'm a freaking baby who wants everything in sight. Doesn't matter if I'm stuffed from everything else. This is disgusting. People are starving in this world and I'm gorging on crap. Complete crap.
I don't want to deprive myself, but if the sweets aren't in my house, I can't eat them. So I'm just going to get rid of everything I find myself wanting. If I want something, I'm going to have to go out and buy it myself. Maybe this will deter me, especially now that I'm in the hole $2000.
So now I know that I eat compulsively under stress. I also just think I'm a selfish person who sees food and must have it. All I know is, I'm heading in the wrong direction quickly, and don't know what to do. I don't see how talking about it with professionals would help because they can't be with me all the time to make sure I'm making the right choices.
Okay this is turning into a ramble, so I'm going to quit. Thanks for listening, even though you probably find me a disgusting and selfish person at this stage of the game.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Relaxing...just relaxing
Warning: Boring!!!
(Perhaps I should label every post with this warning because I'm sure my posts are boring for many of you.)
This past week has given me a lot to think about. Last weekend, I was very weak, eating everything in sight. (It was a 3 day weekend after all, including a wedding shower with yummy food, and Memorial Day barbecue). It was like the old "eating" Lauren was returning, but the exercise never stopped.
Okay so obviously I'm struggling. I so desperately want to keep this weight off, but my love for decadent sweets is prevailing. And... I think I should be able to have them! I definitely work out enough! I've said over and over, I need to let go and relax a little bit. I've pretty much decided to allow myself one "forbidden" sweet a day. I have no plans to let up on my exercise, so hopefully this won't be a big deal, and will prevent so many future "binges."
I've also learned that I've become preoccupied with the scale. The number on it determines my mood for the rest of the day/week... and if my attitude sucks, so will my eating habits. So, I've made a decision to not rely on the scale and rely on how I feel and how my clothes fit. My clothes will let me know my progress. Also, I've had a lot of people tell me that I've gotten too skinny. That may or may not be true, but I think that if I continue to exercise and allow myself the food I want (sensibly and in moderation, of course), my weight will stabilize at where it wants to be. If that means gaining a few pounds, then I'm okay with that (well I'll try to be.)
Man... will these experiments ever stop? :)
(Perhaps I should label every post with this warning because I'm sure my posts are boring for many of you.)
This past week has given me a lot to think about. Last weekend, I was very weak, eating everything in sight. (It was a 3 day weekend after all, including a wedding shower with yummy food, and Memorial Day barbecue). It was like the old "eating" Lauren was returning, but the exercise never stopped.
Okay so obviously I'm struggling. I so desperately want to keep this weight off, but my love for decadent sweets is prevailing. And... I think I should be able to have them! I definitely work out enough! I've said over and over, I need to let go and relax a little bit. I've pretty much decided to allow myself one "forbidden" sweet a day. I have no plans to let up on my exercise, so hopefully this won't be a big deal, and will prevent so many future "binges."
I've also learned that I've become preoccupied with the scale. The number on it determines my mood for the rest of the day/week... and if my attitude sucks, so will my eating habits. So, I've made a decision to not rely on the scale and rely on how I feel and how my clothes fit. My clothes will let me know my progress. Also, I've had a lot of people tell me that I've gotten too skinny. That may or may not be true, but I think that if I continue to exercise and allow myself the food I want (sensibly and in moderation, of course), my weight will stabilize at where it wants to be. If that means gaining a few pounds, then I'm okay with that (well I'll try to be.)
Man... will these experiments ever stop? :)
Monday, May 31, 2010
Parties, Friends, Cookouts...Oh My!
The title of this post says it all. I've been bad. There has been no eating plan followed. In fact, the plan has been, let's eat everything in sight (at night when no one can see me)... preferably those things high in sugar, fat, and sodium (like smores, chocolates, pizza, chinese, cupcakes-w/ lots of icing, ice cream, etc... Things have not been good. I will not be venturing to the scale for a long time.
I do know that this has been an abnormal weekend. I've been to parties where lots of food was served, I've had outings with friends I haven't seen in a while, and it's Memorial Day and bbq and ice cream will be served. I intend to indulge! I know I'll get back on track once work starts. I know I will. These circumstances are not normal, and good grief, I can have a couple days of not caring!
I have not given up on exercise (in fact my entire family is doing Jillian's 30 day shred before we eat), and I intend to start everything back normal tomorrow. I know I will. (I know it.... I hope...)
I do know that this has been an abnormal weekend. I've been to parties where lots of food was served, I've had outings with friends I haven't seen in a while, and it's Memorial Day and bbq and ice cream will be served. I intend to indulge! I know I'll get back on track once work starts. I know I will. These circumstances are not normal, and good grief, I can have a couple days of not caring!
I have not given up on exercise (in fact my entire family is doing Jillian's 30 day shred before we eat), and I intend to start everything back normal tomorrow. I know I will. (I know it.... I hope...)
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Man......
Man... I'd give anything to take these 5 hours back. Right now I'm going to go curl up in a ball on my floor and think about what a disgusting thing I've just done.
I'm sure you can guess... I'll go into details later if I have the heart, but right now I feel worthless and like a failure who has forgotten all of the hard work I've put into becoming healthy.
I failed today..
I'm sure you can guess... I'll go into details later if I have the heart, but right now I feel worthless and like a failure who has forgotten all of the hard work I've put into becoming healthy.
I failed today..
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Always A Struggle
So, I know it's been a while since my last entry. There haven't really been a lot of changes. I'm just trying to stay on my plan and doing what I can to avoid slip-ups.
I've been on this plan for a couple of months now (refer to previous entries for the plan), and it seems to work when I stick with it. I've noticed some patterns that seem consistent with this plan.
Patterns
-I'm heaviest and the most bloated at the beginning of the week due to "Fat Sunday"
- I'm lightest on Sunday morning after having a week to recover.
- I want to binge in the middle of the week (usually Tues. night/Wed. night.)
-I feel bloated after eating any meal or snack
-I'm very hungry at meal times and after workouts regardless of previous calorie intake.
-I can't seem to recognize when I'm full until I'm too full, especially at dinner.
-I still enjoy working out very much and my body is no longer sore from excessive exercise.
These last 2 Wednesdays, the urge to binge has been almost unbearable. I wish I could determine the cause so that this urge could be prevented. Through the grace of God, I have not indulged in a binge. It was very difficult. I spend a lot of time on the internet trying to find ways to beat the urge. Here is what I did these past 2 times:
Strategies
- took a nap
-avoided vending machines/carrying loose change
-confided in friends
-text messaged asking for advice
-stuck to my meal/exercise plan
-stayed busy at work
-drank more water
-cried and complained
-walked Bella
-researched and blogged about binging
-allowed 1 sweet treat (pretzel m&m's 150 calories)
There is no cure except time. I know the urge goes away, and I know how I'll feel if I give into the urge, which is a feeling of uncontrollable guilt, along with obvious massive stomach issues associated with excessive eating. When you binge, you eat foods high in calories, even when you know you're stuffed. You inhale the food and you aren't really tasting it. You're basically eating for the sake of eating; not fueling your body with the essential nutrients it needs. So what's the point of a binge if you're not even tasting and enjoying the food? I really wish I had a good answer for that. What I do know is that I've had the strength to "just say no" during my last two urges, and that is an extreme success for me.
Last night, I realized that I still have a problem with allowing occassional sweets. I feel like I've cheated every time I eat something sweet. Last night, I was in a room with people who were eating a delicious looking birthday cake, and I refused it. I looked unappreciative and appeared unsocial, I'm sure. UGH!! I've got to get past this. I need to realize that I can have sweets (in moderation) and it not be a big deal. I mean, I work out all the time. I can have a sweet every day and not worry. If only I could allow myself to let go. I'm not as healthy (by my definition) as I thought.
My blog suggests that my walk continues. My journey is far from over. I may be done with losing weight, but with that comes a whole new set of issues that I'm going to have to face.
Thanks for sticking with me and pulling me through this. I couldn't get through this without your support.
I've been on this plan for a couple of months now (refer to previous entries for the plan), and it seems to work when I stick with it. I've noticed some patterns that seem consistent with this plan.
Patterns
-I'm heaviest and the most bloated at the beginning of the week due to "Fat Sunday"
- I'm lightest on Sunday morning after having a week to recover.
- I want to binge in the middle of the week (usually Tues. night/Wed. night.)
-I feel bloated after eating any meal or snack
-I'm very hungry at meal times and after workouts regardless of previous calorie intake.
-I can't seem to recognize when I'm full until I'm too full, especially at dinner.
-I still enjoy working out very much and my body is no longer sore from excessive exercise.
These last 2 Wednesdays, the urge to binge has been almost unbearable. I wish I could determine the cause so that this urge could be prevented. Through the grace of God, I have not indulged in a binge. It was very difficult. I spend a lot of time on the internet trying to find ways to beat the urge. Here is what I did these past 2 times:
Strategies
- took a nap
-avoided vending machines/carrying loose change
-confided in friends
-text messaged asking for advice
-stuck to my meal/exercise plan
-stayed busy at work
-drank more water
-cried and complained
-walked Bella
-researched and blogged about binging
-allowed 1 sweet treat (pretzel m&m's 150 calories)
There is no cure except time. I know the urge goes away, and I know how I'll feel if I give into the urge, which is a feeling of uncontrollable guilt, along with obvious massive stomach issues associated with excessive eating. When you binge, you eat foods high in calories, even when you know you're stuffed. You inhale the food and you aren't really tasting it. You're basically eating for the sake of eating; not fueling your body with the essential nutrients it needs. So what's the point of a binge if you're not even tasting and enjoying the food? I really wish I had a good answer for that. What I do know is that I've had the strength to "just say no" during my last two urges, and that is an extreme success for me.
Last night, I realized that I still have a problem with allowing occassional sweets. I feel like I've cheated every time I eat something sweet. Last night, I was in a room with people who were eating a delicious looking birthday cake, and I refused it. I looked unappreciative and appeared unsocial, I'm sure. UGH!! I've got to get past this. I need to realize that I can have sweets (in moderation) and it not be a big deal. I mean, I work out all the time. I can have a sweet every day and not worry. If only I could allow myself to let go. I'm not as healthy (by my definition) as I thought.
My blog suggests that my walk continues. My journey is far from over. I may be done with losing weight, but with that comes a whole new set of issues that I'm going to have to face.
Thanks for sticking with me and pulling me through this. I couldn't get through this without your support.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
...Why?...
My lovely food addiction has reared its ugly head today. All I've wanted to do is eat. It all began when one of my students brought me my favorite type of cookie- a humongous, decadent black and white cookie. Every fiber of my being wanted to devour it on the spot, but I was strong and placed the cookie in my purse. Every so often, I would check my purse to check that my cookie was still there for when I was ready for it.
Since then, I haven't been able to keep my mind off bingeing. All I've wanted is that cookie, topped off with Bojangles, cookie dough, pizza, peanut butter, oreo cookies, and anything else that can't escape my grip. My urges are so strong and they really take a lot out of me. I tried to get rid of the cookie, but no one wanted it. I couldn't bring myself to throw it away. I know this is not normal. I wish I could figure out where and why these urges occur. That way I may be better able to prevent them. It's truly miserable. What became of the cookie? It's sitting in my freezer waiting for the perfect moment to be eaten. So far so good...
How have I handled it today? I really don't know that I have. I've tried talking to everyone I trust about it, and I've researched how you can prevent a binge before it happens. However I still want to go to the store and indulge every piece of sugary goodness I can. I can't promise that it won't happen since the day isn't over yet. I'm truly at a loss and it's really upsetting me that I'm not as in control as I thought.
I've also stuck to my diet plan and ate when I was supposed to. The only problem with that was, I inhaled my food without really enjoying it, and the food made me even hungrier, making the urge to binge stronger. How frustrating is that? That doesn't usually happen! I also made it to the gym for my hourly cardio workout today, which should make me proud, but it's really giving me the urge to say "you've worked out, a binge won't hurt."
So why today?? I really wish I knew. It makes it hard to think about anything else, which is really bad when you're in a classroom full of students who depend on you for their education. It's now 7:00 p.m. and I've wanted to binge since 8:00 a.m. I've been very strong all day, but it's been a huge struggle. It's not over yet. So now I go to choir to try and distract myself even more.
Does anyone else go through this? Do you allow the binges? How do you fight them?
PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!
Since then, I haven't been able to keep my mind off bingeing. All I've wanted is that cookie, topped off with Bojangles, cookie dough, pizza, peanut butter, oreo cookies, and anything else that can't escape my grip. My urges are so strong and they really take a lot out of me. I tried to get rid of the cookie, but no one wanted it. I couldn't bring myself to throw it away. I know this is not normal. I wish I could figure out where and why these urges occur. That way I may be better able to prevent them. It's truly miserable. What became of the cookie? It's sitting in my freezer waiting for the perfect moment to be eaten. So far so good...
How have I handled it today? I really don't know that I have. I've tried talking to everyone I trust about it, and I've researched how you can prevent a binge before it happens. However I still want to go to the store and indulge every piece of sugary goodness I can. I can't promise that it won't happen since the day isn't over yet. I'm truly at a loss and it's really upsetting me that I'm not as in control as I thought.
I've also stuck to my diet plan and ate when I was supposed to. The only problem with that was, I inhaled my food without really enjoying it, and the food made me even hungrier, making the urge to binge stronger. How frustrating is that? That doesn't usually happen! I also made it to the gym for my hourly cardio workout today, which should make me proud, but it's really giving me the urge to say "you've worked out, a binge won't hurt."
So why today?? I really wish I knew. It makes it hard to think about anything else, which is really bad when you're in a classroom full of students who depend on you for their education. It's now 7:00 p.m. and I've wanted to binge since 8:00 a.m. I've been very strong all day, but it's been a huge struggle. It's not over yet. So now I go to choir to try and distract myself even more.
Does anyone else go through this? Do you allow the binges? How do you fight them?
PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!
UPDATEI was successful. It is now 5:30 a.m. on Thursday. I did not binge yesterday. Right now, I consider that a MAJOR accomplishment. I hope today is easier.
Friday, May 14, 2010
"Graduation"
***First of all, I want to give a shout out and congratulations to everyone graduating college this season. You've worked hard and it's paid off. Good luck with all of your future endeavors. We're all very proud of each of you.***
Sometime in the midst of my journey over this year, I had my own "graduation." This graduation was from the "Fat Girl's club" to the "Skinny Girl's club." However, I still don't know when this "graduation" took place. This is mainly because I've always been "The Fat Girl" and I still view myself that way. I'm the same person. My personality has not changed, just my appearance. I don't feel like a different person mentally, so it makes it difficult for me to see myself differently physically. My weight changed, my "self" did not. I don't know if this makes any sense or not. I'm told one day that I'll get used to it, that my "outer and inner selves" will synch up, but I'm not so sure. I suppose only time will tell.
I mentioned that on the trip that I just took that I was able to do a lot of reflecting. Some of that reflection was on all of the changes that have taken place as a result of my weight loss (besides my change of appearance). I'll admit, I've already forgotten what it was like to walk around the world 120-ish pounds heavier. (Part of me (a VERY small part) wants to just have all that weight back just for a second, just so I can really feel the difference and appreciate what I've accomplished.)
On my trip, my friend and I were in a coffee shop and I happened to be wearing shorts. She made the comment that a year ago, I wouldn't be caught dead wearing those shorts. She was right, and I had forgotten that. It made me very emotional (I actually teared up), and it caused me to think about what else has changed. I've only just started this list, and will add to it as I think of more things.
Changes I've Noticed
-My ability to run long distances and energy to perform strenuous workouts frequently
-My increased competitive nature and drive for a physical challenge
-My ability to cross my legs comfortably, or sit "criss-cross applesauce" in chairs
- My confidence in my legs to wear shorts in public
-My confidence in my arms to wear sleeveless/spaghetti strapped shirts in public
- My ability to move furniture around my classroom without breaking a sweat
-Constantly being freezing while before being constantly hot
-My awareness of the food that I put into my body; my food choices in general
-Getting "honked at" more often by people passing me in cars (hopefully not for bad driving!)
-Being treated better by people in grocery stores, restaurants (haha! mostly...), and the like
-I'm more receptive to the compliments I receive
-No more chest pains!!!
-Normal blood pressure
-I smile more (added by my Mom!)
There are many more changes, I'm sure, I just need to do more thinking. When changes happen this quickly, it's hard to take it all in. That's partly what this blog is for, I think. Once I realize more, I'll add them to the list. Anyone who knows me can feel free to make note of any more changes they've noticed. :) (And as always, comments from anyone are welcome.)
Thanks for reading as I continue to discover "the new me."
Have a healthy day!
Sometime in the midst of my journey over this year, I had my own "graduation." This graduation was from the "Fat Girl's club" to the "Skinny Girl's club." However, I still don't know when this "graduation" took place. This is mainly because I've always been "The Fat Girl" and I still view myself that way. I'm the same person. My personality has not changed, just my appearance. I don't feel like a different person mentally, so it makes it difficult for me to see myself differently physically. My weight changed, my "self" did not. I don't know if this makes any sense or not. I'm told one day that I'll get used to it, that my "outer and inner selves" will synch up, but I'm not so sure. I suppose only time will tell.
I mentioned that on the trip that I just took that I was able to do a lot of reflecting. Some of that reflection was on all of the changes that have taken place as a result of my weight loss (besides my change of appearance). I'll admit, I've already forgotten what it was like to walk around the world 120-ish pounds heavier. (Part of me (a VERY small part) wants to just have all that weight back just for a second, just so I can really feel the difference and appreciate what I've accomplished.)
On my trip, my friend and I were in a coffee shop and I happened to be wearing shorts. She made the comment that a year ago, I wouldn't be caught dead wearing those shorts. She was right, and I had forgotten that. It made me very emotional (I actually teared up), and it caused me to think about what else has changed. I've only just started this list, and will add to it as I think of more things.
Changes I've Noticed
-My ability to run long distances and energy to perform strenuous workouts frequently
-My increased competitive nature and drive for a physical challenge
-My ability to cross my legs comfortably, or sit "criss-cross applesauce" in chairs
- My confidence in my legs to wear shorts in public
-My confidence in my arms to wear sleeveless/spaghetti strapped shirts in public
- My ability to move furniture around my classroom without breaking a sweat
-Constantly being freezing while before being constantly hot
-My awareness of the food that I put into my body; my food choices in general
-Getting "honked at" more often by people passing me in cars (hopefully not for bad driving!)
-Being treated better by people in grocery stores, restaurants (haha! mostly...), and the like
-I'm more receptive to the compliments I receive
-No more chest pains!!!
-Normal blood pressure
-I smile more (added by my Mom!)
There are many more changes, I'm sure, I just need to do more thinking. When changes happen this quickly, it's hard to take it all in. That's partly what this blog is for, I think. Once I realize more, I'll add them to the list. Anyone who knows me can feel free to make note of any more changes they've noticed. :) (And as always, comments from anyone are welcome.)
Thanks for reading as I continue to discover "the new me."
Have a healthy day!
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
What is Healthy?
Hey everyone!
Sorry it's been a while. I've just been plugging away on my new diet/exercise plan. I'm enjoying it and it seems to still be working! YAY!! I'm loving the variety. I'm tolerating the elliptical, but I haven't chanced the stationary bike yet- (I'll get there, Sarah :P). I feel like I'm sort of getting maintenance figured out and how to be successful for a lifetime. The way I'm doing it now is certainly more manageable than the way I was doing it before, with overexertion and unnecessary hip/leg pain. While my calves are still sore, the pain is subsiding, and I am (hopefully) becoming a "healthy woman at a healthy weight" instead of an "unhealthy woman at a healthy weight."
(Did I mention that I experienced true "Runner's High" on Sunday? I think it's because my body is not as exhausted and bored from daily 4 a.m. runs.)
I've been reading a lot of blogs lately and a lot have reflected on what being healthy really means. There are lots of good insights and it got me thinking. I think being healthy means something different to everyone, at different stages of their journeys. To some, being healthy means finding strategies to get the number on the scale to decrease. To others, it's making healthy eating choices and staying active. Most times it's a combination. Some consider healthy as a feeling. I can tell you that my definition of healthy has changed over the course of my weight loss/maintenance journey.
At first, when I was heavy, being healthy was about the scale number. I wanted to get to that goal (originally 130). I wanted to be considered "in normal range" by BMI standards. I realized though, once I got there, that there's more to it than that, at least for me. Being healthy is about feeling like you've got it all figured out. It's about being able to incorporate exercise and healthy eating habits into your daily life, along with the occasional splurge. Being healthy is allowing those treats in moderation, and not feeling guilty. Being healthy is a calm, subdued feeling when you've realized that you are finally in control. It has taken practice with me. I don't know that I'm completely there yet because it's taken me some time to work out kinks. I do know that I'm headed in the right direction, and feel more in control everyday. If I'm not "healthy" yet (by my definition), then I'm definitely on my way there- and I've never felt better!
What is your meaning of "healthy?"
Lauren
Sorry it's been a while. I've just been plugging away on my new diet/exercise plan. I'm enjoying it and it seems to still be working! YAY!! I'm loving the variety. I'm tolerating the elliptical, but I haven't chanced the stationary bike yet- (I'll get there, Sarah :P). I feel like I'm sort of getting maintenance figured out and how to be successful for a lifetime. The way I'm doing it now is certainly more manageable than the way I was doing it before, with overexertion and unnecessary hip/leg pain. While my calves are still sore, the pain is subsiding, and I am (hopefully) becoming a "healthy woman at a healthy weight" instead of an "unhealthy woman at a healthy weight."
(Did I mention that I experienced true "Runner's High" on Sunday? I think it's because my body is not as exhausted and bored from daily 4 a.m. runs.)
I've been reading a lot of blogs lately and a lot have reflected on what being healthy really means. There are lots of good insights and it got me thinking. I think being healthy means something different to everyone, at different stages of their journeys. To some, being healthy means finding strategies to get the number on the scale to decrease. To others, it's making healthy eating choices and staying active. Most times it's a combination. Some consider healthy as a feeling. I can tell you that my definition of healthy has changed over the course of my weight loss/maintenance journey.
At first, when I was heavy, being healthy was about the scale number. I wanted to get to that goal (originally 130). I wanted to be considered "in normal range" by BMI standards. I realized though, once I got there, that there's more to it than that, at least for me. Being healthy is about feeling like you've got it all figured out. It's about being able to incorporate exercise and healthy eating habits into your daily life, along with the occasional splurge. Being healthy is allowing those treats in moderation, and not feeling guilty. Being healthy is a calm, subdued feeling when you've realized that you are finally in control. It has taken practice with me. I don't know that I'm completely there yet because it's taken me some time to work out kinks. I do know that I'm headed in the right direction, and feel more in control everyday. If I'm not "healthy" yet (by my definition), then I'm definitely on my way there- and I've never felt better!
What is your meaning of "healthy?"
Lauren
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Update...
Well, it's been a couple of days since I've updated here. I wanted to give my new plan a try to see how it seemed to be working. I formed the plan on Monday after my trip, and really started the plan on Tuesday. Here's what I think so far...
I know it takes the body longer than 5 days to adjust to new eating habits, but so far, I'm really happy. When I got on the scale this morning, I saw no change, which is what I'm looking for. So my "flexibility" is working, so far! I did make one change. I added in a 30 minute elliptical session on Thursday, just because I felt like it. (I know, weird, right, but oddly refreshing.) So on the trainer days where yoga isn't scheduled, I'll probably do a 30 minute elliptical session. Who knows. It's been really nice eating "real meals" with my family. I've also allowed myself one sweet a day, and it seems to be curving binge cravings, so we'll see how it works. I'm just waiting for the ball to drop, you know? Hopefully it won't.
In other news, I've been tracked out of school (work) for the past 2 weeks, and I'll I've been doing (besides my trip) is laying on my couch, sleeping, eating, exercising, and reading blogs! I know it seems completely boring and lazy, but I can tell my body needed the rest. :) I'm looking for a good movie or book to read on my last few days. Any suggestions?
Have a great Saturday!! Love to all!
I know it takes the body longer than 5 days to adjust to new eating habits, but so far, I'm really happy. When I got on the scale this morning, I saw no change, which is what I'm looking for. So my "flexibility" is working, so far! I did make one change. I added in a 30 minute elliptical session on Thursday, just because I felt like it. (I know, weird, right, but oddly refreshing.) So on the trainer days where yoga isn't scheduled, I'll probably do a 30 minute elliptical session. Who knows. It's been really nice eating "real meals" with my family. I've also allowed myself one sweet a day, and it seems to be curving binge cravings, so we'll see how it works. I'm just waiting for the ball to drop, you know? Hopefully it won't.
In other news, I've been tracked out of school (work) for the past 2 weeks, and I'll I've been doing (besides my trip) is laying on my couch, sleeping, eating, exercising, and reading blogs! I know it seems completely boring and lazy, but I can tell my body needed the rest. :) I'm looking for a good movie or book to read on my last few days. Any suggestions?
Have a great Saturday!! Love to all!
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Let Go...Let Flow...
Hey Everyone!
Thanks so much for all of your comments and feedback. To know that I have your support with this new plan really helps solidify my thoughts that I'm headed in the right direction. Yesterday was the first day on this new plan. I loved not having to wake up at 3:45 to run. I really think I was doing too much. I did get my workout in with Byron and I did some yoga afterwards, so there was some activity, which I still intend to do daily, unless weight loss continues. Also, being able to eat with my family again was truly a pleasure. We ate from Moe's and I enjoyed every bite without feeling (too) guilty.
It's so weird trying to be in the "maintenance mode" instead of "weight loss" mode, or just "not caring," as it were. It's taken me 25 years to get to a healthy weight and stay motivated to keep it off. Kind of sad, but at least I'm at that point now and I've gotten there. I feel like I'm back in a school science class, performing one big experiment to figure out what works for me.
Throughout this process (and lots of your comments verify this), I've realized that I need to relax and let go. I don't need to be obsessed with my diet and exercise anymore. I need to do what works for me. I need to make working out fun and accessible to my lifestyle. I feel like I've let go a little bit. I've compromised some. I've reduced exercise by almost an hour a day, allowed myself more sleep, and I'm only counting calories for half of the day. Once I get more comfortable, I'll loosen the reigns more. Hopefully soon, I won't even have to think about this and it'll all come naturally. I need to learn to trust my body and I'll get there. I know I will. It'll lead to a better and more relaxed "me," which is the long term goal.
Thanks everyone for sticking with me and taking time to comment. You really don't know how much you're helping me.
There may be another post later, seeing as though this one is technically yesterday's! :)
Have a wonderful day, and thanks for reading!
Thanks so much for all of your comments and feedback. To know that I have your support with this new plan really helps solidify my thoughts that I'm headed in the right direction. Yesterday was the first day on this new plan. I loved not having to wake up at 3:45 to run. I really think I was doing too much. I did get my workout in with Byron and I did some yoga afterwards, so there was some activity, which I still intend to do daily, unless weight loss continues. Also, being able to eat with my family again was truly a pleasure. We ate from Moe's and I enjoyed every bite without feeling (too) guilty.
It's so weird trying to be in the "maintenance mode" instead of "weight loss" mode, or just "not caring," as it were. It's taken me 25 years to get to a healthy weight and stay motivated to keep it off. Kind of sad, but at least I'm at that point now and I've gotten there. I feel like I'm back in a school science class, performing one big experiment to figure out what works for me.
Throughout this process (and lots of your comments verify this), I've realized that I need to relax and let go. I don't need to be obsessed with my diet and exercise anymore. I need to do what works for me. I need to make working out fun and accessible to my lifestyle. I feel like I've let go a little bit. I've compromised some. I've reduced exercise by almost an hour a day, allowed myself more sleep, and I'm only counting calories for half of the day. Once I get more comfortable, I'll loosen the reigns more. Hopefully soon, I won't even have to think about this and it'll all come naturally. I need to learn to trust my body and I'll get there. I know I will. It'll lead to a better and more relaxed "me," which is the long term goal.
Thanks everyone for sticking with me and taking time to comment. You really don't know how much you're helping me.
There may be another post later, seeing as though this one is technically yesterday's! :)
Have a wonderful day, and thanks for reading!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)